The Dating Life Pendulum

An open (kind of vulnerable) look into my own dating life problems that I continuously focus on working on.

I’ve been thinking about the difference between casual sex and casual dating.

I think casual sex, for me, is a hotbed for feeling like a total piece of shit.

I’m not perfect, my bodily desires get the best of me sometimes, and I do my best to course correct and say, "Hey, Nick, let’s not do that.

I think I went for the past 3 months with no sex intentionally, and hardly ever any self-pleasuring either…

Not a massive surprise to me that I turn into a gigantic horndog and stray outside my morals with a justification.

So am I supposed to bask in my unholiness?

Nah, you fucked up dude, do better, reflect, and move forward.

But what I don’t see a problem with is casual dating the more and more I’ve looked at it and discussed it with guys I respect.

Without a doubt, I do believe a man should settle down with one woman and create a family.

However, the problem I have seen in my own life is seeing some good behaviors from a woman…

And immediately putting her into that role of the one to settle down with.

It’s just immature behavior on my part, I’m a lover, but It can’t be too fast.

The more and more I observe all my relationships, the more I see you cannot say for certain if that person is right until about 6-12 months in depending on the frequency of you two seeing each other.

And I think it’s pretty statistically stupid to keep doing this with one woman at a time, over and over again, until you find the one.

Emotions get wrapped, expectations are different, and overall I don’t think it’s very mature to tell someone upfront, “Hey, let’s only see each other” when you don’t even know each other.

Obviously, It’s a different story when there are multiple months of seeing each other under your belts.

There are two poles of the dating life pendulum I’ve been swinging between for a while now…

1. Tons of women, casual sex, no actual meaningful relationship 

2. One woman, we’re life partners, committed to only her, I won’t even look at other women

I would love to have the committed relationship pole, but that takes time, and I have to look at things from the perspective of when I first start seeing a woman, ya know?

So I think the balanced perspective is something along the lines of…

Date the person, get to know them, see other people in the meantime, don’t think with your dick, be classy, be honest, don’t tell them things they want to hear even though you don’t mean them, only have sex if the bond with the person has an amazing foundation and both people are on the same page and there aren’t more red flags than a Chinese communist parade.

Even though I’m following Orthodox Christianity, I have to disagree with waiting until marriage for sex.

That to me does not seem like a smart decision at all especially given the climate of this modern dating world.

Also, it’s not in the ten commandments, so I’m going to go with the idea that this was more-so societal programming to stop single mothers than holy law.

But hey I could be wrong and maybe I’ll burn in hell for my sins…

But to me, and I know this makes me sound like a heretic, I don’t believe god thinks that way.

I think all I can do is create guidelines for myself that help me make decisions I don’t regret.

So the balance seems to be, as always, somewhere in the middle.